Rock and Roll is here to stay…
January 27th, 2008J. D. Pendry
I managed another uneventful stealth trip into Northern Virginia this weekend. I infiltrated and ex-filtrated unscathed, although my fire engine red pickup truck did break the first rule of camouflage, which is to blend in with your surroundings. It would have been better had I been driving an SUV of the Lexus, Mercedes, or BMW varieties lacking the highway salt that covered my truck or any other evidence that it had ever touched actual dirt and with a cell phone in one hand, offering the commuter salute with the other and steering with my knees.
Since I first lived in the Northern Virginia, DC Metro area in 1992, there has been continuous highway construction especially around malfunction junction. If you are not familiar with the DC Beltway, malfunction junction is where I-395, I-495 and I-95 merge into a spaghetti bowl of on and off ramps. Right where all three merged, on ramps crossed exit ramps and mixed with road rage at 70 miles per hour. I am happy to report that in 2008, I saw no evidence of construction in malfunction junction. Exit ramps and on ramps do not cross so much as they once did, but there is more traffic so the odds of getting clobbered by a cell phone talking bird flipping driver is still high.
My bride and I make the trip periodically. We go there to acquire items we like that are not readily available here in Wild and Wonderful. Now for the gentleman that likes to call me a bigot because I believe that people who want to immigrate here should do it legally, learn English and our laws, I need to share a tiny bit of my private life. My bride of 35 years is Korean and a naturalized United States citizen. Please spare me the tolerance emails.
That aside, as you travel the Northern Virginia DC suburbs, you find rather large enclaves of immigrants. For example, there are many Korean owned businesses ranging from bookstores and restaurants to supermarkets all with apparently good business. I notice each time we are there, however, that the customer base is largely immigrant as are the employees. It is not uncommon to enter a Korean restaurant or grocery store and find that many of the workers are Hispanic immigrants. It is human nature to want to be where the people, language and customs are familiar to you and the problems are shared ones. These businesses located right outside the United States capital undoubtedly make significant contributions to the local economy. Still I wonder, as I eat like a pig at our favorite restaurants or while pushing the grocery cart behind my wife in the supermarket and at other shops, what kind of stampede would I cause by yelling ICE. This is not a small issue for our country and it cannot be solved with partisan political rhetoric.
With our mission completed and the pickup truck filled with stores, the wife and I headed for the hills. There I was, cruising through the Shenandoah Valley on Interstate 81. The road was dry so I had the cruise control set near the speed limit. The satellite radio was playing classic country. The sky was blue. The sun was shining. My seat was ever so slightly reclined. I was wearing my Thundering Herd baseball cap to honor those five Marshall players that are on Super Bowl rosters. Cruising along there and listening to Merle Haggard I was thinking that I was not yet in Redneck Heaven, but I had to be getting doggoned close. That is when I had to confront one of life’s annoying little realities - that being that you must expect people to do some dang dumb things and then never know quite why they did them.
I moved over into the fast lane to let a young woman driving one of those odd looking little cars merge onto the highway. It was purple. After I passed, I dutifully signaled my intention and drifted back into the right lane and went back to enjoying the music, the sunshine and the comforting sounds coming from my snoozing wife over in the shotgun seat. I glanced up and saw something strange. Through the rearview mirror, I could only see a portion of the top of the little purple car. For those of you who have not driven a vehicle such as a pickup truck that sits up higher than the average car this means that she was tailgating me so closely that she could have reached out and wiped the highway salt off of my taillights. No reason for her to be there that I could tell, since the passing lane was clear and I after all was traveling very near the speed limit. Suddenly, she darted into the left lane and shot around me as if I were sitting up on blocks. I honestly didn’t think one of those little biddy cars could go that fast. Just as suddenly, she cut back in front of me and then slowed. She slowed slower than me actually, which caused me to have to pass again rather than switch off the cruise control. We played this game several more times until she finally floored her windup toy, belched out cloud of global warming pollutants and disappeared over the horizon. I certainly do not know why. Maybe it was my truck. Or my Army Retired license plate. Maybe it was Al Gore. Who the heck knows?
I was again enjoying the music and the surroundings as I moved out into the passing lane to go around an 18-wheeler that was chugging along. That is when the truck driver, who was moving considerably slower than me and as you may recall I was traveling very near the speed limit, reinforced to me that there are a percentage of people who should be in occupations other than the one they have. I was about a car length behind the truck, the one that was traveling considerably slower that I was, when the driver made an abrupt lane change in front of me. Needless to say, I stood momentarily on the brake pedal and offered some kind words to the truck driver.
Eventually, the truck moved back over and I got back to listening to Merle Haggard and Conway Twitty. I’m still not sure if it was the rapid deceleration or my oral expression of appreciation for the trucker’s driving skills, but I think one of those woke the wife. For some unexplainable reason, she reached over and tapped the radio present button tuned to the rock and roll oldies channel. I’m not sure if it was her tiring of Merle and Conway or of my singing along with them that caused it. Rock and roll is here to stay blasted from the radio and for some unexplainable reason that flower child picture of the Clintons that is making it around the Internet popped into my mind. Along with it was Obama with a large Afro hairdo and sunglasses – or was it Jimi Hendrix? Then I wondered if any of those youthful indiscretions might have included a taste of Purple Haze.
Purple Haze was in my brain,
lately things don’t seem the same,
actin’ funny but I don’t know why
’scuse me while I kiss the sky
That’s when I deactivated the cruise control and mashed the gas pedal. If I could get home soon enough, there would be some time left in the weekend to work on the bunker.
Copyright © J D Pendry, 2008, All Rights Reserved

