In all of the wrong places.
I am about as middle as Middle America gets. I love God, my family and my country. I like baseball caps, pickup trucks and jeans. I like football, baseball, chili dogs and barbeque. I mow my own lawn, spread my own mulch, trim my own hedges and enjoy every minute of doing those jobs that Americans just won’t do in the gated communities. I think Jack Bauer has the right approach to problem solving. Maybe we can cut him loose on Congress. I have been working and supporting myself since I was 16 years old. I have clawed my way up from dirt poor to a reasonably comfortable middle class existence. In many countries of the world, I would be considered wealthy. I suppose that is why all of the people in those countries seem to want to move here. We do quite well out here in the middle and we would probably be content with our lives if politicians would go to Washington, make their nonsensical speeches and leave us the heck alone. Here’s an idea Washington. Getting government out of our lives and out of our way is a solution to many of our problems.
Every time a politician decides that my Middle America needs fixing, I lose my job. I lose my savings and maybe my house. The people who want to fix us typically have Ivy League degrees that, down here where we still get dirt beneath our fingernails, means an education that transcends common sense and practicality. It was an education afforded them because they were wealthy not smart, something they continually prove. When I am working, I end up footing the bill for their grand schemes that are supposed to transport my wretched hind end into their idea of Shangri-La. They learned about Shangri-la at Harvard from a guy named Karl. In case you are curious, Karl does not appear on any of our founding documents. He did however write another. Washington, here’s another idea for you. Try reading this manifesto for solutions.
It is Middle American children who are constantly beat back from breaching the wall around the middle class that grows a little taller each time we are helped by politicians. It is my money that provides seemingly endless unemployment benefits and welfare for deadbeats rather than allowing me to give more of it to the truly needy that I do help with legitimate charitable donations. It is my money that buys the bridges to nowhere. Here in Wild Wonderful, we name them the Robert C. Byrd Bridge. I don’t know why. He didn’t pay for them. I think I will find me one and name it JD’s Damn Bridge. Washington, after you get out of our way, another solution for you is to stop taxing us to death, stop taxing businesses to death and quit buying those blasted bridges.
It is my wallet not the Washington politician’s wallet that feels my pain when I put gasoline in my vehicle refined from expensive crude purchased from communists and terrorists all because knot heads, believing in the false religion of Global Warming, are bent on worshiping mother earth instead of using her abundant resources for the betterment of mankind as God intended. It is the pedigreed elitists who drive around in cars more expensive than my house while they keep a hybrid snob mobile nearby for photo ops and travel the globe in their private jets. Ground them and close their mouths if you are really concerned with carbon emissions. I can barely contain myself waiting to see how much I will be taxed for the gas that naturally leaks from both ends of my body. That could be an expensive proposition for Michael Moore or Al Gore, couldn’t it? Maybe they’ll hang one of those new fangled digital gas meters on us. Maybe to counter I will invest in Beano. It is like generating your own electricity, maybe they will pay me for the gas I don’t make. Isn’t that the idea? It is the same logic as jobs created or saved. Here’s some wild and reckless ideas Washington. Drill for the doggoned oil we have. Drill for the natural gas we have. Dig the coal we have. Use the oil shale we have. Export the solar panels and windmills and the Green Jobs Czar to the Arabs. They have lots of sun and like Washington, lots of wind too.
Geeze, I have a headache. Think I will spend some time reinforcing the Bunker and maybe watch Jack Bauer torture a terrorist.